How to Explain Trump While Traveling Abroad

trump painting

Trigger Warning: This is a political post. Not really my goal with this site because I know it alienates people. However, it is a legitimate concern for guys traveling abroad and I’m running out of content ideas.  So it’s staying up.

Recently I was in Phnom Penh for my Vietnam visa run. I had to make the critical decision whether I wanted to stay in a hostel or a guesthouse.

I rolled the dice, took a shot, and stayed at a hostel. Lots of cute European girls stay at hostels and I’d save a few dollars.

Not bad.

One problem.

I knew I would have to “explain Donald Trump” to a bunch of Europeans and Australians.

Lo and behold, the first question once someone discovered my American nationality…

“So, what do you think about Donald Trump?” followed by an eye roll or a laugh.

I had two potential answers:

  • Don’t rock the boat. Espouse my hatred for Donald Trump. Apologize and beg for forgiveness from random Europeans. You can check out this article by Rand Fishkin’s “wife” for a decent guide on how to do that.
  • Don’t give a fuck.

Three years ago, I probably would have bit my tongue and took the first option. Suppressing my own beliefs for the approval of a group of strangers.

That was then, this is now. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I took the second option the whole trip.

donald trump gun

Let the chips fall.

It was f*cking hilarious.

2 Quick Tips for Explaining Trump to Foreigners

If you’re a chick and hate Trump, then this probably won’t apply to you. Also, why the fuck are you on this blog?

Here are the tips. The stories from using these tips are listed below.

Never Apologize

This applies to almost all situations. Never apologize.

It just makes you look weak and makes them want more apologies. This is a pretty well-documented thing with humans.

I also learned this from personal experience… multiple times. Now I’m a card carrying member of the No Apologies Club.

Worst case scenario, use a Bill Clinton non-apology like “mistakes were made” instead of an actual apology.

For Trump, just ignore any and all requests for an apology. Hell, don’t apologize even if you really do hate Trump. It doesn’t look good nor give you any woke points. You just look weak.

Don’t Be Obnoxious About It

On the flip side of not apologizing, you also shouldn’t be super obnoxious about it. Yes, I know it’s tempting to make some wall jokes or “you have to go back” jokes, but it doesn’t really accomplish anything.

If you do this option, then make sure the joke is legitimately funny. Don’t half-ass this stuff.

May as well go all out since the result (triggering, yelling, etc) will be the same as half-assing it.

Here are the stories from the trip.

Poolside Meltdown

white girl with beer

I’m chilling by the pool. Sipping on a Cambodian beer and checking out some Aryan princesses swimming around the pool in their tiny little bikinis.

Damn, German girls are always super-hot. Much hotter than Anglo chicks and about the same as Slavic women.

Anyway, one of them is doing some backstroke thing towards where I’m sitting. Of course, she slams her head into the wall. She’s not hurt, but she quickly looks around to see if anyone noticed.

“Careful,” I say with a smirk on my face as I raise my Angkor beer toward her.

“Did you see me?” she responds in almost perfect English.

I just raise my eyebrows and smirk at her.

She hops out of the pool, grabs her towel, and sits next to me.

We start talking about… I don’t even remember. Just random bullshit.

Once she finds out I’m American the first question out of her stupid whore mouth is…

“So… Donald Trump? Wow” with that disapproving look.

“Yeah, what about him?” I ask. Just playing stupid with this chick.

That was the first warning shot. No apologizing from me (see above tip).

“Just wow, America.”

“Yeah, I know. I was surprised he won too. I mean, I voted for him, but I didn’t think he’d win.”

“Oh, you voted for him… How do you feel about him banning Muslims?” I could feel the condemnation in her voice (lol).

“He didn’t ban Muslims…” I have a huge smirk on my face and do a long dramatic pause…

“…but I wish he did.”

This chick flipped out on me. I got yelled at about “refugees”, racism, “Islamophobia”, feminism,  diversity, Da Crusades, and her tolerance for people. I just nodded my head and sipped my delicious Angkor beer. Kind of tuned her out at this point.

She eventually demanded an apology. Just like that time I yelled at a feminist when I first got to Asia. This chick didn’t body shame me for my prematurely receding hairline though.

I just grinned and sipped my beer at her request for an apology.

She walked away after that with a few tears going down her eyes.

I kind of expected to get kicked out of the hostel because it was owned by some fruity expats, but I didn’t have any issues.

The Post-Bang Walkout

I ended up banging a German tourist I met on this trip. Actually, I met her on the bus ride back to Saigon. Lots of Germans in Cambodia this time of year for some reason.

Fine by me, I think German (and Eastern European women) are the hottest women on the planet. In fact, my ex was of German ancestry. I’ll be in one of those Eastern European countries once my income increases.

We both had visa issues at the Vietnam border and had to spend extra time sorting stuff out. I struck up a conversation while waiting for the terribly slow Vietnamese border guy to glue a visa to my passport.

Note: I started the conversation with, “You look nervous.” Ya’ll don’t need complex opening routines or pickup lines. Just point out something situational, let the conversation flow, and don’t be needy (most important part).

This conversation continued once we cleared customs and got on the bus. She actually switched seats so she could sit next to me.

A three hour on-and-off conversation with no mention of Donald Trump…

Success.

As we approached Saigon she started asking the logistics questions. Obviously she was trying to give me a hint.

“Where do you live in Saigon? Where’s a good place to drink?”

Questions like that.

I informed her of my penthouse studio apartment with a balcony and view of the beautiful downtown Saigon skyline (subtle brag). My balcony is of course the best place in Saigon to drink a delicious 333 Beer (this is the cheapest beer in Vietnam for those that don’t know).

She agreed and really wanted to see my balcony and view. I actually had a date planned with a Vietnamese girl, but I told her I was too tired to meet and rescheduled.

The bus pulled up to the station, I ordered a GrabCar for the two of us, and 25 minutes later we’re at my apartment and sipping 333 Beer on the balcony…

Thirty minutes after that and she’s guzzling on my American sausage.

We have some pillow talk after finishing our business. Just the normal giggly/happy stuff and looking at the skyline through the massive ceiling to floor sliding glass window (humble brag, again)…

“You’re American, what do you think about Trump?” she asked with a faint German accent.

Damn it. I thought she wouldn’t ask.

“I voted for him,” I responded without even looking at her. I figured she wasn’t a fan of his just from some things she mentioned on the bus.

“Oh.”

She got off the bed. Put on her elephant pants. Grabbed her bag…

And walked right out of my apartment.

She didn’t say a word to me. No goodbye, yelling at me, nor crying.

Just gone.

A welcome change from the three different chicks that yelled at me at the hostel.

I’m not complaining. I accidentally blew my load in this chick anyway (didn’t tell her :p ). Normally it’s a pain in the ass to get girls to leave too. Telling white girls you voted for Trump is probably the fastest way to get them to leave!

Still have no clue how she got back to District 1. She didn’t have any Vietnamese money or a SIM card. Maybe she walked to the ATM (5 minutes away) and flagged down a taxi.

Also, I flipped through her passport when she was taking a shower. She was 33 (!). I’m only 24. That helped explain why she was so easy…

and the stretch marks.

1 Comment

  1. I was in VN and Thailand last year, and the yer before right during the election (I was stunned) – it rarely came up. Last year on Nana Street in Thailand I ran into a Brit and his girlfriend and he had voted for Brexit and was feeling like he had been sold a bill of gods and then commented about Trump being a good disrupter – I could only try to fathom the paradox – this whole idea, sadly, suggests that things were so bad they needed disrupting – I’m trying to find out where all the bad things were that needed disrupting so I could agree with them. My life certainly didn’t need disrupting. Anyways, he was sitting there lamenting how cheap everything was in SEA and it finally dawned on him that western labor simply cannot compete with cheap SEA labor….unless we were willing to abide by their standards of living – I only comment that their best bet was to stay in the EU and enjoy the benefits of universal large market standards, to which he agreed he would likely discover as agreeable. (twisty there watch out!)

    Aside from that, as an American I think it’s best to bite your tongue and just ease into any conversation with your guard up and say “I really don’t like to get into politics” and see how strong a position the other person wants to take. The VN need the US as a counter to China, but when running into ex-pats from the EU you’ll find political persuasions all over the map….especially with regards to immigration.

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