These are 5 things I hate about living in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.
I will eventually do a post about things I like about living in Ho Chi Minh. However, complaining about the host country seems to be the popular thing for expats to do.
Either way, I would rather sprinkle chili powder on my asshole than write something like “Best Vietnamese Food” (it’s Bun Cha) or “Top 5 sites to see in Ho Chi Minh City” (none).
1. Female English Teachers
The English speaking world is the best place in the world for a woman to live. If you’re a (white) man in the English speaking western world, then good luck, brother. The male English teachers in Vietnam moved here for exactly one reason.
Everyone knows the reason… and I guarantee you it’s not the food.
Why the hell do Western women decide to move to a country where the majority of expats and local men ignore them? And then to cope with getting ignored, they gain weight and bitch at Western men that date Asian women?
Note: All the female expats I’ve met have been nice to me (minus one), but my point still stands because I’m writing a humorous article. Dammit.
Why live in the male hedonist paradise known as Southeast Asia? You have western Europe, America, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand with millions of men willing to sniff your farts and cook with the hope of (maybe) having sex. Those countries also have western amenities…
2. Squat Toilets
I can Asian squat (that flexibility) and know how to use a bum gun. Not going to lie, bum guns work better than toilet paper.
However, I have zero clue how to wipe my ass when I see a squat toilet and a bucket with some dirty water in it.
Do I dip my hands in the water and rub my ass? Do I pour it down my ass crack while simultaneously rubbing my crack with my hand?
No thanks, Vietnam. I’ll just poop my pants. I hate the squat toilets in Vietnam.
3. Expats Dating Fat Women
Nothing grinds my gears more than seeing a young male expat English teacher in Asia dating a fat (expat) woman. Vietnam has some of the skinniest women of any country. Just walk outside in Ho Chi Minh City and you will notice a legitimately fat woman every hour… if you’re lucky.
The polar opposite of the United States. Seeing a skinny person in the United States is somewhat rare these days. Granted, most Vietnamese women will complain about gaining weight despite weighing under 100 pounds (45 kg for the rest of the world).
Why do these expats travel around the world to a country surrounded by skinny and attractive women, but only date fat bitchy women from their home culture?
That’s like living in Ho Chi Minh City and only eating McDonalds, Pizza Hut, and KFC.
4. Taxi Drivers
Are there any honest taxi drivers in Saigon?
Whether it’s trying to say I only gave them 10k Dong when I gave them 100k Dong, driving around in circles, or harassing me about a “happy massage”. I think everyone in Vietnam hates them. The locals seem to hate them. Even other taxi drivers hate them. Nowadays, I use Uber and Grab and rarely deal with taxi scammers drivers. Take that taxi man!
5. Crossing The Street
Every single time I cross the street in Vietnam I have a 50% chance of dying. I hate the traffic in Vietnam.
One day it is a scooter with 4 people on it that can’t stop. The next day it’s Mr. Nguyen driving drunk and swerving all over the road like an idiot. The day after that it’s a bus that refuses to stop for anything.
Also, good luck crossing a street without a traffic light. Hell, even the streets with traffic lights can prove difficult during rush hour.
Just Move If You Hate It In Vietnam
I never said I hated it in Vietnam. Just complaining about some things that I hate in Vietnam. There are lots of things I hate about living in my hometown, but that’s boring and no one cares.
What things do you hate about living in Vietnam (or Southeast Asia)?