The 8 Types of Expats You WILL Meet in Southeast Asia

I’ve been in Southeast Asia long enough to know most of the different types of expats that you will meet. This post breaks them down into eight different types. Not much more to say about the topic, let’s get to the post.

Also, don’t forget to drop a comment about what type of expat you are. Everyone falls into one of the categories.

The Sexpat

asian sexpat

I’ll start with the most common type of expat… the sexpat. This isn’t just your normal guy that goes on the occasional date and boinks one to three girls a year.

No.

This is the guy that bangs one to three girls a week (or even a day). His sole purpose of moving to Asia was to sleep with as many women as possible.

You can usually find this expat at the bar running around like a chicken without its head “trying to get another notch, bro.” Or on a date with a hottie he met on Vietnam Cupid.

You probably won’t interact with this expat much since they only interact with women. Honestly, I don’t know how they do it. I’d gouge my eyes out if I hungout with women that much.

How to Spot This Expat?

Look for the guy swiping right on Tinder… while his date goes to the bathroom. He might also be drunk on a Tinder date.

Where to find this expat?

You can usually find this guy at a nightclub on Ladies Night (Tuesday night at Lush in HCMC). He’s probably talked to every Asian women in the establishment. Hell, he’s probably already banged most of the women that go there.

If he’s not a nightlife guy, then he definitely has an account on all the dating apps (Vietnam Cupid, Badoo, Tinder, OKCupid, etc.). He probably has over 1000+ contacts on his messaging apps.

Oh yeah, he’s eskimo brothers with most of the expats in the city.

The Jaded Fempat

angry redhead woman

Another one that everyone loves to hate. The jaded fempat is the sworn enemy of The Sexpat and The Family Man (described later). In fact, you can often find The Sexpat complaining about The Jaded Fempat on a few different online platforms.

Most notably the Travel section of the RooshVForum, which is basically a hangout spot for dudes that spend every waking hour of their life trying to get laid. Basically, 35 year old men acting like 16 year old teenagers that just discovered boobs.

Anyway, The Fempat got tired of her spoiled existence in the matriarchy known as the western world for some unknown reason. Maybe she got tired of limp-wristed “men” (I use the word loosely) that would drag their balls through a million miles of broken glass just to get the chance to sniff her fart.

She chose to pack up her bags and move to paradise. Problem is she doesn’t have enough money to move to Europe. For those of you not in the know, Europe is where all the basic bitches like Adventurous (Slut) Kate (not linking her blog) go to sip wine and bang Italian Chads. The fempats in Asia have to teach English to live that basic bitch travel lifestyle.

Hint: Young women travel solo to sleep with as many guys as possible. I’ve experienced this first hand and literally heard girls discussing it.

However, Asia isn’t Western Europe.  She’s depressed… None of the expats want to fuck and she wouldn’t ever date an Asian man.

She takes this anger out on the much slimmer local competition and yells at any Sexpats that reject her advances (happened to me once). Actually losing weight, learning to cook, and becoming a woman that a man would want to date requires more work than she is used to doing…

Such is life.

How to Spot The Jaded Fempat?

Every female expat in Southeast Asia is jaded.

Where to Find The Jaded Fempat?

Any bar in District 2… she’ll approach you if you’re young, attractive, and not Asian. Even if she already has a BF.

The White Knight Expat

While the Sexpat (and especially) Fempat will have a disdain for the locals, this type of expat absolutely loves the locals and will remind you of that at every opportunity. He’s basically the polar opposite of the sexpat.

Other common traits include learning the language (lol), having local friends of the same sex (LOL), living in local housing (LMAO), and needlessly defending the obvious flaws in their host country (ROFL).

This is one of the most aggravating  expats I have to deal with. Especially because they’re unwavering defense of the locals comes off as a thinly veiled superiority complex. I mean, everyone knows that the Western world is better than Asia in every way possible (a few notable exceptions mentioned earlier). These expats just won’t admit it to you, me… or to themselves.

Here’s my favorite example. You can find hundreds of comments like this in the Expat Facebook group.

loser expat facebook screenshot

Leading a terrorist group responsible for over 100 bombings and many deaths is the same as having a political blog… OK.

Ironically, the buffoon’s local friends will shit talk him in Vietnamese right in front of his face.

How to Spot This Expat?

Mention something negative about Southeast Asia and he’ll appear out of nowhere to defend the insult against his host country. Here’s an actual conversation:

“I fucking hate that I can’t pull my phone out on the sidewalk in Vietnam without it getting stolen.”

“Mate, it’s the same as Sydney and every big city. I mean, if I pull out my iPhone on the sidewalk just for a second, then some bogan riding a kangaroo will literally snatch it right out of my hand.”

Alternatively, this is the guy ordering com tam from the street vendor in shitty Vietnamese instead of just pointing like every other expat. She, of course, understands 0% of what he says and gets his order wrong.

Where to Find This Expat?

His Vietnamese language class.

You can also find him on the Facebook expat groups waiting for someone to criticize his host country.

The Expat Here for Serious Business

guy drinking coffee

This Expat is the only true expat on the list. He’s middle-management at some multi-national (or works for the government) and his boss just told him he can get a faster promotion if he works abroad.

His first assignment…

Vietnam.

“The fuck. Didn’t we like have a war with them. I bet they hate us.”

Yeah, this guy knew nothing about Southeast Asia when he moved here.

He lives in a cushy apartment in Binh Thanh, District 1, or District 2. Thonglor or Ekkami in Bangkok.

He has a car and private driver that shuttle him to work every morning.

How to spot this expat?

Look for the guy wearing a suit at noon. He probably has a posse of Asian professionals following him. Usually a young chick in a dress and a notepad follows him everywhere. I think that’s his PA.

At the bar, just talk to him for 5 minutes. He’ll let you know he’s not “one of those expats.”

Where to find this expat?

District 1 in Saigon or the business district in Bangkok.

He doesn’t go out much because he works 50 hour weeks, but you can find him on Friday night at some rooftop bar or a fancy western style restaurant.

The Backpacker That Never Went Home

clueless backpacker reading book in front of temple

Another expat that everyone loves to hate. The backpacker that never went home will claim to have fallen in love with the country, but really he just ran out of the money he saved up from picking fruit in Australia.

Fortunately, he’s in Southeast Asia, which means he can easily find a job teaching English. The only requirement is to be white.

The lazier bunch of this group will usually end up begging for money, but the vast majority of these travelers will teach in low quality English language centers. Half of these backpackers don’t even speak English as a native language.

How to spot this expat?

These ones are hard to spot. Many often confuse them for regular backpackers. However, they will quickly mention that they live in Southeast Asia if you have the displeasure of talking to them. This gives them style points in their tribe of backpackers.

They also smell better than other members of their tribe.

Where to find this expat?

He’s a backpacker, so he’ll be at all the popular backpacker hangouts… notably Bui Vien in Vietnam and Khao San Road in Thailand.

The Family Man

asian woman with baby

This guy is usually older and moved to Vietnam in his late 30s to early 50s. He moved here because his opportunities back home looked bleak:

He got divorce raped and gave up ever marrying another western woman. The ex-wife has full custody of the one or two teenage kids and has brainwashed them to hate his guts. He was a nameless cog in a corporate meat grinder.

Fuck this shit. I read about some guy that moved to Asia and banged a ton of hot chicks.”

He moves to Asia and starts out as a sexpat. He bangs a ton of women that are in that 25-35 age bracket, but accidentally knocks one up.

Now he’s stuck with a kid, so he marries the woman. He buys a house in the countryside in Vietnam, Issan in Thailand, or the suburbs of one of the big cites.

This is his life now.

How to spot this expat?

Look for the guy sitting on a small plastic stool at 4PM. He’s the only expat for miles. He has a blank look on his face and a beer on the table. You may hear a baby screaming from his home and see his cute wife caring for the kid.

You strike up a conversation and he tells you his life story.

You’re the only foreigner this expat has talked to in months.

You inch further away from him and quickly exit before he starts crying.

The Sketchy Expat

guy with broken hand and drugs

Everyone knows at least one Sketchy Expat.

He parties all the time, snorts cocaine off of hookers, has multiple threesomes a day, is perpetually drunk, and has a nice apartment.

However, he never seems to work. When you ask him what he does, he just mumbles about something online and quickly changes the topic.

How the fuck can this guy maintain his lifestyle without ever working?”

Does he play poker in Vietnam? Does he own the largest dark web marketplace in the world? Trust fund?

Every once in a while this guy will go on a random weekend vacation to Cambodia. This is the only time he doesn’t seem to party.

Yeah, everyone knows a guy like this. We kind of assume what he does for a living, but we’re too afraid to ask about it.

How to spot this expat?

He’s the center of attention wherever he goes and always has a big smile plastered on his face. He can also hook you up with any drugs.

Where to find this expat?

A swanky nightclub.

The Angry Expat

Finally, the angry expat. He has been in Southeast Asia too long and he is mad.

He hates that the locals rip him off.

He has tired of the local food.

The girls are all gold diggers.

He hates the other expats.

Hell, he hates everyone.

Drinking and complaining to anyone that will listen are the only ways to cover up his frustration, which is why he’s angry.

Fortunately, this is just a stage of being an expat. He’ll get over it after a few months… or years. However, he should also take a break from Asia for a few months. Not necessarily to go home, but just to leave the continent and recharge his expat batteries. A developed country like Germany or Australia is a great place to recharge your expat batteries.

How to spot this expat?

He normally will write a blog post criticizing other expats.

Just kidding, I’m not an angry expat, yet.

Really though, he will normally complain about the local culture a lot and irrationally hate the locals.

Where to find this expat?

Everywhere. I’d say most expats go through this stage at one point. Everything just adds up after awhile and they just snap.

 

12 Comments

  1. >>> if I pull out my iPhone on the sidewalk just for a second, then some bogan riding a kangaroo will literally snatch it right out of my hand.

    this is fucking hilarious… and oddly accurate.
    good article.

  2. A bit of me in a few of these (and a rarer one). I went from the overstaying back-packpacker to teacher to sketchy to inmate (for being a little too sketchy) in Thailand then after a divorce in UK moved to Cambodia in January & on to Saigon tomorrow, now writing (that’s one you failed to roast). Is that because that’s your category, eh? The sage and better than the rest. Just kidding, love your blogs. Can I plug my book? ‘Karma Trading – A Pretty Rough Guide to Thailand’ by David George (on Amazon & Kindle). It’s about the backpacker to jail years and very funny. Please let me plug, oh sage one. Good luck mate, keep it up.

    1. Yes that is definitely a category and I fall into it. Kind of falls under the angry expat though.

      Mae Hong Son Prison… sounds rough. I’ll read your book this weekend and then plug it. Looks interesting.

  3. I’m a digital nomad living in Saigon and, dear lord, everyone of your posts make me laugh so much. Realistic, funny, cynical and well written. Keep going mate.

  4. This is a great and amusing little article that serves a good brief guide to expat types in Asia; I’ve cited it in an article that I’ve just published – https://busy.org/@strayenglishman/defining-the-fempat

    It’s good to see articles like this, as sometimes the limitations of traditional academic research can never do such terms justice. Most institution or journals probably wouldn’t even allow you to publish a study into fempats, lol.

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