Everyone knows about this
moronavirus coronavirus at this point. And yeah, the entire world is basically locked down because this is economic warfare against the middle class the government is our friend and wants to protect us.
Ok, enough of that. Here are seven things you should do during your State suggested Coronavirus lockdown.
Completely Ignore The Lockdown
I’m not recommending that you ignore the lockdown suggestion, but the world isn’t going to end if you go for a walk at the park or don’t wear your mask.
I go for walks every single day. Half the time I don’t wear a mask because it’s hot as balls. Am I dead?
Workout at Home
All the gyms are closed. This means you gotta get creative with working out.
One expat at my apartment spends like 30 minutes walking up stairs as exercise, which is a really great exercise.
Stairs are awesome.
I’m not about that life, though. Instead, I loaded up a briefcase with like 30 pounds of bagged rice, and I swing that around like a lunatic on my rooftop (for the sun, see below) – it’s actually a pretty good upper body workout.
I might not renew my gym membership.
Get Some Sun
Everyone needs sunlight. Humans didn’t ‘evolve’ (lol) to live in a cave. We gotta spend time in the sun or bad things happen.
Really bad things.
And the darker your skin the more time you have to spend in the sun to absorb this magical ‘Vitamin D’ thing.
I like to go for an hour walk everyday to get my daily dose of sun because I have a Mediterranean complexion. Also, you don’t need sunblock. That stuff causes cancer AND it blocks the Vitamin D.
Why would humans get cancer from the sun that we are exposed to every single day?
We should have ‘evolved’ to handle the sun considering it comes out literally every single day. It doesn’t make much sense that it would hurt us…
Sunblock is a marketing scam. Don’t bother with it.
Troll Online Forums
All the lemmings are freaking about this coronavirus because that’s what they’ve been told by actors in white labcoats. And this makes it a perfect time to troll online for some hilarious reactions.
Fat Americans think an imaginary virus will kill them… even though they weigh 300+ pounds, stuff their face with burgers on a daily basis, and eat chemical garbage (read: junk ‘food’) for literally every meal.
Yeah bro, it’s definitely not the virus that’s gonna kill you.
With that in mind, I enjoy trolling those fatsos during online town hall meetings. My favorite line is calling for a “shoot on sight” order for anyone violating a lockdown.
It actually gets a lot of support.
My call for banning fast-food restaurants and junk food to prevent this extremely deadly virus doesn’t get much support from American rolly pollies… to the surprise of literally no one.
Try it out – it’s a fun way to pass the time.
Figure Out Your Visa Situation
If you need to do a visa run during the moronavirus epidemic, then you’re gonna have a bad time.
I recommend figuring out how you will extend your visa ASAP. Remember, you can’t go to any other country (other than home) because the entire world is shutdown…
This means you’re gonna have to pay a visa agent big bucks to do an in-country extension. Good thing those TrumpBucks are coming through.
The good news is that this virus can’t last forever. In fact, I suspect the restrictions will start to get lifted by the end of April.
Turn Off The News
The best thing to do is turn off your screen. Seriously, you don’t need to spend all day consuming the news…. which is all Coronavirus stuff at this point.
You aren’t going to die of Coronavirus. You probably won’t even catch this novel Coronavirus.
But you might catch Moronavirus.
The best way to avoid Moronavirus is to stop consuming news media. It’s all fake garbage meant to scare you. It wouldn’t surprise me if the US goes to (fake) war with Iran after this virus. Or if ‘aliens’ invade.
An (fake) alien invasion would actually be pretty funny.
Just look at this clown trying to scare you about a little windstorm. Practically no people die from hurricanes. It’s probably safer when they hit because you have literally 0 risk of getting in a car accident since you can’t go outside…
Dating is Dead
I have a girlfriend (probably not for long, but that’s not relevant), so I’m not aware of the dating situation.
However, I see literally no couples hanging out when I go for my daily walk, so it’s pretty safe to assume that dating is currently deader than my hopes and dreams.
The good news is that all the sexpats went home and/or are broke, so the competition will be minimal when moronavirus passes at the end of the month.