The hottest insult on dem internets is calling other men a simp.
Of course, simp = “Suckers Idolizing Mediocre Pussy”
With that in mind, here are 11 signs you’re a simp.
1. You’re a self-described male-feminst.
I don’t really need to explain this one. Don’t do this.
2. You Defend Women With The Expectation That They Will Fuck You
Look, defending women in certain circumstances is ok… I guess.
Ok, probably not.
But if you’re defending women with the expectation that they will zuck your ding-a-ling, then you’re a simp.
And you really shouldn’t be coming to the rescue of women. No one comes to my rescue on the extremely rare occasion that I fuck something up.
3. You Take Women Seriously
If you’re taking them seriously, then you’re a SIMP.
4. You comment “You’re sexy” on Instagram
Just stop, it doesn’t work. You’re much better off insulting women to knock them off their pedestal.
Trust me on this one. Women love getting insulted and degraded by men.
5. “I’d like to apologize on the behalf of men.”
Fuck you. I ain’t apologizing for anything, even when I do something blatantly wrong…
Never apologize. Ideally, try to blame it on her and take zero responsibility for your actions.
Or just pretend you didn’t do anything wrong.
6. You Eat Her Out
That’s just nasty.
It smells, gets your face all wet, and pussy looks strange.
It’s even worse because guys do this with the hopes of getting women to like them.
If you want to get a woman to like you, then you oughta be treating her like the dirty little slut that she wants to be deep down in the reaches of her little slut soul.
Whips, chains, smelly underwear in her mouth, spankings, etc.
Yeah, every woman is a dirty little slut in their tiny little bird brain. Harriet Tubman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and even Hillary Clinton.
7. “What do you want to do?”
If you’re asking a woman what she wants to do, then you’re a SIMP.
Women don’t want to make decisions. They want to sit back, look pretty, decorate stuff, and get validation from simps on Instagram (see #4).
You’re a man – you hopefully have balls. YOU make the decisions. She’ll like you more for this.
Believe me, guys. Men letting women make decisions is the #1 cause of dead bedrooms and cuckoldry the world over.
8. You Carry Her Purse
I saw this one a lot in the US.
Never, ever carry a woman’s purse. You want to treat a purse like a toxic device. You should never even touch a woman’s purse.
Her shoulder is tired?
She’s going to the bathroom?
She better make sure it doesn’t get stolen or dirty.
She’s going into labor?
FUCK NO – her purse stays on the floor while she gets loaded into the ambulance. Maybe get one of the SIMP-medics to pick it up.
Absolutely no exceptions to this rule.
9. You Listen To Women Complain
Women love complaining. If you listen to her complaints….
You’re a S-I-M-P.
My preferred strategy when a female starts complaining is to pretend to fall asleep while obnoxiously snoring.
It gets the point across.
10. You Accept Her Nagginess
Similar to the above point, women love to nag men to break our spirit.
You gotta nip the nagging in the bud.
Guys that accept her nagginess are SIMPs. Period.
Ideally, you should play it off in a funny manner. I either pretend to sleep while loudly snoring, clamp her mouth shut with my hand (if we’re in a relationship), or mock her voice.
This is dumbed down enough that women can actually understand it.
Trust me, they won’t understand your logical explanation of why nagging is annoying. And then they’ll nag you about complaining.
They’ll probably visit Jamal and Tyrone as well and somehow nag you about that.
11. You Buy Drinks for Girls in the Bar or Club
Never, ever buy a drink for a random girl in a bar or club. This is classic SIMP behavior.
It literally never works AND it costs you money.
I’ve literally known girls that would go to the bar with no money because they knew guys would buy them drinks all night.
And I can assure you they got drunk and did not suck any ding a lings that night because they were staying at my apartment.